


give Dave Cracker Barrel or give him death

by aphwhales



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Implied past child neglect, M/M, Multi, Road Trips, uhh suggestive dialogue?? no more than homestuck itself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 07:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15359553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphwhales/pseuds/aphwhales
Summary: beta kids. road trip au. Make It Happen.





	give Dave Cracker Barrel or give him death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lipstickgremlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipstickgremlin/gifts).



> i am so sorry this ended up being like. those v words tht are like. little stories??? snippets. 
> 
> VIGNETTS??? anyway. i hope you enjoy it anyway, because this was a good prompt.

Dave’s foot is in your face. You aren’t really sure when this happened, or why this is happening, and you’re pissed about it. When you glance at the dash clock - okay, more than glance, because it’s late and there aren’t many people on I-97 for you to crash into anyway - it reads 2:37 in glaring brightness. 

You grab Dave’s ankle and twist it until he grunts in pain. This has the unfortunate effect of waking up John in the backseat. “What the fuck are you two doing, it’s _late_.” 

“Some of us,” You reply, still digging your long nails into Dave’s shin. “Are being forced to drive at three in the morning. Others seem to believe it’s appropriate to sleep with their feet in said driver’s face.” 

Dave snorts. “Your face likes my feet.”

“Don’t make this weird, David.” 

John groans and flops back onto the seat. Or, evidently, onto your girlfriend, because there’s a growl and then, “Can we stop? I need to pee.” 

“We got AJ bottles,” Dave replies. “Piss in those.” 

John smiles widely and mouths ‘Howie Mandel’ as Dave pales. 

“I am getting off at the next exit,” you declare. “Boys, keep it in your pants, please and thank you, until we get to a rest stop.” 

John makes a horrible noise, like a squawk, at you. Dave just rolls his eyes and clambers over the console and into the backseat. 

~

John picks the short stick at the rest stop and grumbles about driving to the next stop as Dave drags him towards the 24 hour Taco Bell. Jade follows you into the bathroom. 

Rest stop makeup is something you’re well trained in. Running away from home multiple times during your teenage years does that. You wipe off a smudged bit of eyeliner, and then reapply it in one shot. Jade watches in awe from the sink next to you. Despite her tries, she’s always been terrible with makeup. 

“How is it, dealing with the boys while I drive?” You ask her, fixing the mascara on your opposite eye. 

Jade shrugs. “I have so much practice dealing with John. And Dave is my boyfriend.”   
“Ha. I can’t wait to see how John deals with that distraction,” You murmur in reply. Jade giggles behind you and plays with the cropped hair at the nape of your neck as you put more lipstick on. 

“Mm, I wish were at a motel or something,” Jade mumbles. 

“We’d be sharing with the boys,” You snort as you repack your makeup bag. “Hardly a time to do much, considering.” 

Jade just rolls her eyes and grumbles something about John and weird kinks. 

Rest stops are odd this time of night, nearly empty save the employees and stray travelers, mainly sleepy families headed for Disney. And, of course, there’s John and Dave, making out like no one’s business in front of the men’s room, a bag of Taco Bell takeout in between them. 

“Ohhh my god,” Jade huffs, before just walking over and bodily grabbing John. “Stop being weird in public!” 

Dave is grinning like an idiot, and holding the Taco Bell bag like a teddy bear. 

~ 

“...not lost.” 

“...kill us if we got lost, why…” 

You silently lean up behind the passenger seat and whisper, “Did you get us lost?” 

Your brother _screams_. John jumps, and your prankster’s gambit jumps just a bit, knowing you startled the master. Jade sits up beside you and yawns widely. “What’s going on?”

“We’re lost.” 

“John!” 

“Why are you blaming me!” John shrieks in response. “Dave read me the directions!” 

“Let me see,” Jade growls, snatching the GPS out of Dave’s hands. She scrolls back a bit and then looks up at her brother with a vengeance in her eyes. “John. Why are you looking for a Chinese restaurant. In the middle. Of fucking Virginia!” 

“I’m hungry!” John replies. “I can’t want a little bit of my culture?” 

“Well, not in Virginia,” you huff. “Stick to New York Chinese food.”   
~

Clink. 23. Clink. 24. Turn, clink, 1. Clink. 2.   
The car shudders to a stop, and you almost stab yourself with your knitting needles. Jade’s sedan isn’t known for being great, but it’s never broken down before, and your older brother looked at before you all left to make sure it wouldn’t. 

And yet. 

“Uh oh.” Jade says from the driver’s seat, steering to the shoulder. “Someone call a tow truck. Something’s up.” 

Dave calls you the goddess of butch lesbians everywhere after you tie your flannel around your waist, and then he calls a tow truck after you throw a knitting needle at him. John moves to the driver’s seat to try to restart the car when Jade asks him. 

Jade is fiddling with something under the hood and you have no clue what it is, but you stand beside her and try to look threatening in case some asshole gets any ideas. Finally, she just slams it shut and calls, “How long?” to Dave. 

Dave only shrugs, which gives you a feeling that this might end up a little rough. 

The sedan isn’t big enough for all of you to nap at once, but you do try. You and John, as the sole members of your group who aren’t dating each other but aren’t siblings either, get first round in the front. You can already hear Dave and Jade snoring in the back. Or just Dave, because you don’t think you’ve ever heard Jade snore. 

John pushes his seat all the way back. This strikes you as fairly stupid, and sure enough, Jade has figured out how to snap it back all the way forward before he even completely relaxes. His arm slams on the wheel. 

“Can y’all quit it, I’m fuckin’ sleeping,” Dave grumbles from his spot. Jade looks at him, reluctantly untangles herself, glares at John, and then crawls into your lap. 

“For safety,” she mumbles. 

~

“Denny’s is better,” John shouts, over the radio. 

“ROSE if you don’t turn into a goddamn Cracker Barrel I will die,” Dave tells you, very seriously as he covers his boyfriend’s mouth with his hand. He retracts it with a disgusted noise when John licks it.   
“Jade, your decision?” You call over the boys. 

“JOHN never trust a lesbian.” Dave says seriously. “Never. They will put their girlfriends over their brothers.” 

“I’m your girlfriend, too, Dave!” Jade points out with a giggle. “But Denny’s is way better.” 

Dave stares at her for a moment. “What the _fuck_ , Jade, I thought you loved me!”


End file.
